Relationship resume - first installment

Recently I tried out the online dating scene. Talk about killing the magic. The first conversation you have with every potential beau eventually comes around to past relationships and basically, why haven't you found the one yet? It's pretty fucking soul destroying. But through the experience I did come up with the idea of doing a "Relationship Resume" coffee table book. Imagine distilling all of your previous potentials down to a one pager, plus glossy illustrations of course. Not only would it be hilarious, it could in fact be quite useful to all the other women they are going to try and woo - a kind of warning label for some, instruction manual for others and I can think of a few whose relationship resume would simply be a big giant DANGER sign.

So, after only a month I canceled my online dating membership and have decided to go out into the big bad world of real people. I figure it's got to be a hell of a lot less about wasting time and more about the race. But I don't want my $40 dollars and my great idea to go to waste, so for as long as I can stay interested I'm going to mock up a few resumes from the greatest hits of losers.